January 10th........

I am up earlier than usual.  It’s raining......but  for some reason it’s not at all dreary.  I’m listening to favorite music which always makes what is happening around me brighter.  I just RSVP’d  an invitation to a 2-yr old’s birthday this coming weekend, I emailed a friend to say “Hi” and fill her in on what I have been up to this weekend and, in between, I’ve been throwing Honey’s “woobie” that she has been bringing to me over and over again......seems like every 2 minutes (smile).  She is constant motion and when she puts something in my lap and then sits and begs I can’t help but melt and play with her, no matter what I am doing. 

Please, p-l-e-a-s-e throw the ball for me!

She has a knack for knowing exactly where my attention is and she puts whatever she is playing with right there.....my lap, in the middle of what I’m writing, whatever.   I usually put my handbag on the floor by my chair at the dining room table and I can’t even begin to count the times when I have been out and opened it to find her tennis ball(s), her stuffed critters and/or her plastic Jello cups.  It always makes me smile.

Christmas has come and gone.  I really should not have said it that way because we have never limited holidays, birthdays, anniversaries or other special occasions to any one day or series of dates on the calendar.  It seems like it was only yesterday that I decorated for Christmas and then this past weekend I began to put things in boxes that will go back to the garage.  I decided to leave the lighted garland on the mantle so I can enjoy it a little while longer.

Over the last several months, I had every intention of having cards written and mailed, packages wrapped and mailed and have a couple of get-togethers with some long-time friends I once worked with.  As the holiday season loomed, I shut down at times and I haven’t been pleased with myself for having done so.  I’m thankful that I don’t feel that way all the time.  The emptiness is always there.  The shutting down comes and goes.  It’s not good and I’m trying to stop beating myself up when it happens. I’ve never been one to succumb to feeling sorry for myself and I sure as heck don’t want to begin now.

What I have just said may sound like I hibernated over the holidays.  I really didn’t.  I spent time with caring friends......Thanksgiving with S & N’s family, Christmas Eve with J’s family and Christmas and New Year’s day with S’s family.  I am blessed to have a wonderful support system of family and friends.  The operative word is “support”....I don’t need, or want, anybody "to do"  for me.  Just knowing that folks care is what has helped me to keep going.

Despite feeling “down” at times, I did manage to shop for a 13-year-old middle school girl.  A friend’s office receives names of needy students each year and I have participated in this program for the last several years.

Also, a month or so ago I received an email that suggested writing to recuperating military people at Walter Reed Medical Center.  No matter how we might feel about this war/military action, it is vitally important to let our military personal know that we appreciate the sacrifices they and their families are making in order to keep us safe.  The hospital is never a good place to be, but this is particularly so during the holidays.  I wrote my letter, made copies and on the day I planned to mail them, I got the disappointing news that Walter Reed was not accepting such letters and cards because of security concerns.  A day or two later, I was happy to find that the Red Cross was collaborating with some other folks to deliver mail, so my letters were delivered after all.

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I just posted a couple of the photos I made on Christmas Eve; the fire looked and smelled heavenly.  It has been hard for me to do some of the things that have been tradition with us.  This year, I was finally able to have some semblance of what has meant so much to us.  I know that Dick would want me to continue doing the things we have always set aside for just us.  Along this line, I also have listened often to the CD that I made from Dick’s cassette of our favorite Christmas record.   We have played it, played it and played it, so over the years we have worn out two or three of the original vinyl records.   It is nice to have CD’s now.